A Stroke Survivor's Story

This video deals with a survivors unreal expectations. It is part of Mindful Communication's Community learning group.

A stroke survivor's struggle with expectations.


I woke up and realized that I was in pain from the exercise that I did yesterday. And I asked myself this question, what am I trying to do?

I used to be able to exercise several times a week but now it's hard to do even one.

I have good intentions. I really want to make my life but nothing that I do seems to work out the way I would like.

In 2004, a comprehensive study of marriage in America found that 46% of divorces, sided unrealistic expectations as the reason for ending a marriage. For me this highlights the importance of having crystal clear, realistic expectations.

I asked Craig, is it physically possible for you to do today but he couldn't do it yesterday? 

No, my expectations may not be real, but they are my expectations. I do not always want to deal with less than perfection.

But everything I've been taught about setting goals was to keep them real and achievable.

When I was 21, I have a severe accident. And one of my hobbies had been ballroom dancing. I had to give it up. Craig's stroke has limited his physical and cognitive ability. So is he setting the bar too high? Has anyone ever been able to reach the goal of perfection?

Is it helpful for Craig to compare what he could do before his stroke with his vote plus stroke? Isn't that like comparing apples with oranges?

So what happens when you hang on to unrealistic expectations?

Well, nothing remains stagnant. And if you try to stay the same, you will fall into a downward spiral.

This is the site for both survivor and carer. So let's return to the group and explore this question. 

Do you want to remain as you are?

What can Craig do to make his life better? 

Well, it'll come as no surprise, but for me it comes back to expectations and other physically and mentally when a TV commercial tells a story of a young girl's dream to drive her buddy to the top of the hill. We watched as she rolls up the hill that files towards the top as she pushes it back at home. She sees a friend in a garage with her father, and they're working on a new engine.

In the next scene, the two girls are in the buggy with the second lighter, that roar up the hill and reach the top and the joy is obviously high five because they turn and look ahead, that joy joy terms to display in front of them is yet another even bigger hill.

They look at one another grin and the Lockwood says we can do this. They settle you can do it too. First, you need to be clear about what you're trying to do to be ready to accept help from others and this applies to the carer as well.

Let's rejoin the main group for a bit of reflection.