Polarisations As Conflicting Parts CHECK LINKS – Brainy Gecko
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Polarisations As Conflicting Parts CHECK LINKS


Learn how to stay flexible and move between the opposites

Is it possible to have both a positive and a negative answer to the same question and have both of them be correct?

We all have numerous ‘parts’ that form who and what we are.

I have a business part where I am in command and I have a part that wants to let go and let someone else make the decisions.

Part of me avoids conflict but another will react and lash out in anger.

Part of me wants to speak up and another wants to stay in the back ground for fear of being wrong or ridiculed.

There are times when I’m patient and at times impatient

I am caring but can also be cutting and dismissive

There are times I want company and times when I want to be alone

As a father I want to protect my children but my basic instinct is survival

I care about others but I am also self-centred

I can be stubborn and flexible

These are the human dilemmas and we need to be aware of this eternal inner conflict that is the ongoing in every human being.

We need to have it to survive..

We listen for the polarities in a person’s stories to help them get balance in their life.

When the polarities are in the same sentence or story they are relatively easy to pick up. But when they are told over several stories they are more difficult to spot. 

As the person is telling their story the theme of the dilemma can occur at different times throughout a conversation.

When only one side of the polarity is mentioned I take particular notice.

For example, recently I was chatting with a single mum and she was describing the holiday she and her children had just returned from.

She had been having an internal struggle between compassionate and a hard nosed employer. She decided to find ways that would her tone caring and still remain a strong employer.

I noticed that during the stories she told there was no mention of a husband or partner. I explored this with a story check and It turned out that she was a widow and was still struggling with her sudden loss.

One of the ways to use Story Polarity Listening is to listen for what is not said because that can be the course of the joy or pain.

Another time I was talking with a business owner and she kept on saying how hard she was on her staff. She kept describing herself as a ‘bitch boss’.

It was clear that she was focussing too much on challenging her employees and not enough on supporting them. I asked her what her previous job was a nurse she said.

Most of the nurses I have known have a very caring nature and supportive nature and she was denying that part of herself resulting in a great deal of conflict at home and her business. Once the cause of her inner conflict was brought to her conscious awareness she was able to find a balance between challenging and supporting her staff and those around her.

Which brings us to living a balanced life.

What is more important to you. Rest or exercise?

Being active or passive

What is more important to you; challenging your staff and holding them accountable, or supporting them? 

A polarity is an ongoing problem with two correct answers that are interdependent.

And we need both to enjoy a state of equlibrium.Click here to learn how you can help your family, friends and workmates live an enriched life. 

Enriched living is about balance

Think of a relationship, a relationship that is important to you.

I am willing to bet that if all is going well you are meeting your needs and those of your partner. 

In a good relationship both people look after themselves and each other.

You have balance and you flow between the two opposites. Giving and recieving

Finding balance is a lifetime project.

 It is ongoing. It is not a finite goal at the end of which you will have a peaceful, calm and meaningful life. Balance is a way of living. It is a process. 

I was deep in the heart of the Borneo jungle with a film crew filming the proboscis monkeys. We wanted to film the boat travelling up the river so I went ashore with the cameraman.

To get on solid ground we had to walk across several logs floating next the shore. Every time we stepped onto the next log we had to regain our balance or end up in the murky and potentially dangerous water.

That is the physical side but we are talking about psychological balance.

And this is what life is like. We are always seeking balance between the polarities and this gives the mindful listener the clues as to the person’s inner struggle.

In her article ‘5 ways to find balance in your life’ Diane Barth states that Being balanced does not mean being calm, relaxed, and content all of the time.

For a lot of people it is a continual struggle to find a balance between healthy eating or unhealthy food. Obesity and eating disorders highlight this struggle for balance.

Life is not about having a choice of either being happy or sad it is about having the flexibility to move being able to move between the two. It is about being happy and sad.

The aggressive drive to get up and attack the day is countered by the lazy side to relax and take time out for self and family. 

Both are necessary but in moderation. Being too aggressive leads to burnout and being too lazy results in no results. You don’t achieve anything.

Achieving balance is the ability to move freely from pole to pole with flexibility.

By listening for the opposites and missing elements in a person’s stories we can help them identify areas where they may be struggling.

How do we respond to the polarities

CTA – Learn how to listen for polarities in a person’s stories and help them get clarity and balance back in their life.


Mindful Communication

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